Impostor Syndrome

We worry we aren't deserving of our rank or accomplishments.

Impostor syndrome is the persistent worry that you are unworthy of your rank or accomplishments.

It's the self-belief that you aren't as good as you're "supposed to be" (whatever that means). It's the nagging fear that you're the least athletic, least skilled person in the room, and everyone knows it, and they talk about it behind your back.

Impostor syndrome is probably one of the most common mental hurdles faced by Jiu-Jitsu practitioners. You've probably dealt with it, which is why you're reading this, and you probably want to know the cure.

First, the bad news: there is no "cure" for impostor syndrome.

Now, the good news: you don't need one.

You don't overcome impostor syndrome by "curing" it. You overcome it by accepting who you are.

Impostor syndrome arises from comparison. When we measure ourselves against others, we only see our shortcomings. We are usually our own worst critics.

You've probably heard that "comparison is the thief of joy," and that the only person worth measuring yourself against is your past self. But that's easier said than done, especially in a one-on-one combat sport.

Here's the honest truth: Sometimes other people are just better at Jiu-Jitsu than you, and lying to yourself about it won't solve the problem.

Can you change that fate and become a Jiu-Jitsu super-athlete who wins world championships? Maybe... but do you want to?

If you discovered Jiu-Jitsu after turning 40 and having neck surgery, do you really want to risk everything to pursue the vanishingly small odds of becoming a high-level Jiu-Jitsu athlete?

If you're starting a family or a promising career, do you really want to abandon all that so you can chase Jiu-Jitsu championships?

Do you really want to sacrifice your other life pursuits to be a better Jiu-Jitsu athlete?

Maybe you do. Maybe you don't. That's not for me to say; only you can answer that.

I've observed that while most people like the idea of being awesome at Jiu-Jitsu, few people want to pursue it as a profession, which is what's needed to reach that level of excellence.

My take: if you're not trying to pursue Jiu-Jitsu as a profession, there's no point worrying about how you perform relative to the professionals.

Winning against impostor syndrome isn't about denying or bending reality; it's about coming to terms with reality.

Let me tell you a story. My accountant is a guy named Jeff. He's also a BJJ black belt, so there's a good chance he'll read this (hi, Jeff!).

Jeff is good at accounting. Very good. And he should be; he's spent decades building a career around it!

I, on the other hand, am not good at accounting. And I have no interest in becoming good at it. That's why I pay Jeff to handle it for me.

Jeff is obviously far, far better at accounting than I am. Yet I have never once been envious about this. Quite the opposite, in fact: I am so grateful that Jeff mastered this skillset because it allows me to benefit from that expertise.

And on the flipside, although I've never asked Jeff about this, I can assure you he has never laughed at me or disparaged me behind my back because of my obvious lack of accounting skills. 🤣

In fact, I presume Jeff is equally grateful that people like me appreciate and pay for his expertise. He can't live off of his talents unless regular people like me are willing to fund him.

If you've got someone in your gym who is aspiring to be a Jiu-Jitsu professional (or at least trains like one), don't be envious; be thankful. These people are your best vehicles for learning. Don't resent them, use them.

Emily Kwok has a beautiful saying: "You are in your own category." I encourage everyone to internalize that lesson. Nobody in the history of humanity has followed the same life path as you, and nobody has the right to measure the value of your life by their yardstick.

The coolest thing about Jiu-Jitsu? You can tailor it to be whatever you want. People have leveraged Jiu-Jitsu to build value in so many ways: as athletes, coaches, entrepreneurs, creators, organizers, activists, and more.

Sometimes, athletic performance is the least impactful way to find success in the gentle art. Many of the Jiu-Jitsu personalities I respect the most never accomplished anything competitively, and I'm sure you can say the same.

Overcoming impostor syndrome is ultimately a battle of acceptance. It's about coming to terms with the person you truly are, and that requires accepting who you are not.

When we make peace with ourselves, what we once saw as failures or limitations instead become helpful constraints that point us toward where we can really make an impact.

You are not an impostor; you are in your own category.

On the podcast:

• Ep. 254: Impostor Syndrome, feat. Drew "Darce_Knight" Foster
• Ep. 346: Tryhard Hobbyists, feat. Rosie Miller

Further study:

• Self-Competition
• Beginner's Mind
• Reframing